By Drew MillardLook: this column is actually a list, in column form. Every little note about these Presidents is true, or at least widely accepted to be a fact.
George Washington: Had wooden teeth.
John Adams: Suffered from bipolar disorder.
Thomas Jefferson: Fathered several children out of wedlock with a slave.
James Madison: Was short, talked like a girl, and had a wife inexorably more famous than he was.
James Monroe: Didn’t actually come up with Monroe Doctrine.
John Quincy Adams: Swam in the Potomac River whilst naked.
And
rew Jackson: His wife’s mother ran a brothel.
Martin Van Buren: Was known as the “Little Magician” because he managed to just make things happen.
William Henry Harrison: Died four weeks into office because he gave a four-hour long speech in a blistering snowstorm and subsequently caught pneumonia.
John Tyler: Was first President to marry whilst in office.
James K. Polk: Served only one term as a result of severe diarrhea.
Zachary Taylor: When in battle, wore a straw hat.
Millard Filmore: Had the coolest first name EVER.
Franklin Pierce: Was an alcoholic who was the first President born in the 1800’s.
James Buchanan: Lived with a man for most of his life.
Abraham Lincoln: Wife was later addicted to opium as a result of his assassination.
Andrew Johnson: Showed up drunk to Lincoln’s second inauguration, and though it was one of the few times he ingested substances, the incident earned him the reputation as a drunk.
Ulysses S. Grant: Had a reputation for great personal integrity, though his entire administration was extorting money behind his back.
Rutherford B. Hayes: Actually lost the popular vote, but won the Presidency anyway.
James Garfield: Was assassinated by a crazy man who was denied a government job in his first few weeks of office.
Chester Arthur: Had the most impressive facial hair of any President ever.
Grover Cleveland: Was the most boring man on earth.
Benjamin Harrison: William Henry Harrison’s grandson. The way his term went, it might have been better if he’d have caught pneumonia.
William McKinley: Always wore a white vest.
Teddy Roosevelt: While serving in the army, always had his uniforms tailored by Brooks Brothers.
William Howard Taft: Has the distinction of being both the fattest President ever, and the only man ever to serve as both President and Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
Woodrow Wilson: A highly religious man, he worked as President of Princeton College to “take the sex out of Princeton” and focus its young male student minds on only knowledge.
Warren G. Harding: Was the worst president ever. The level of his badness cannot be described by words.
Calvin Coolidge: Had an aversion to talking.
Herbert Hoover: Often confused for J. Edgar Hoover.
Franklin D. Roosevelt: Had an affair.
Harry S. Truman: Was born without a middle name, only an S.
Dwight Eisenhower: After serving as President, re-entered the Armed Services.
John F. Kennedy: One-upped FDR by having an affair…with Marylyn Monroe.
Lyndon B. Johnson: Often considered the most lewd, vulgar President ever.
Richard Nixon: Biggest regret: tape machine in Oval Office.
Gerald Ford: Liked to fall.
Jimmy Carter: Lusted in his heart.
Ronald Reagan: Was the Gipper.
George H. W. Bush: Vomited on the Prime Minister of Japan, hated broccoli.
Bill Clinton: Played golf.
George W. Bush: Gave C-Students everywhere hope.
3 comments:
Every other Thursday is the best day of my life. Another two-thumbs-up article.
George Washington: Had wooden teeth (No, he did NOT have wooden teeth...though he did have several sets of false teeth.)
John Adams: Suffered from bipolar disorder (No, he suffered from depression, NOT bipolar disorder.)
Thomas Jefferson: Fathered several children out of wedlock with a slave.
(He was rumored, but not PROVEN to have fathered several children out of wedlock with a slave.)
James Madison: James Madison: Was short, talked like a girl, and had a wife inexorably more famous than he was. (Madison's wife was not "inexorably" more famous. Whether she was more famous or not is simply your opinion...but regardless, she would not be "inexorably" more famous. Look it up.)
James Monroe: Didn’t actually come up with Monroe Doctrine. (I guess this is technically true. Try www.google.com when you run out of ideas...)
John Quincy Adams: Swam in the Potomac River whilst naked. (Whilst? How about "swam naked in the Potomac River?")
Andrew Jackson: His wife’s mother ran a brothel. (Your source for this questionable bit of information? I found lots about Jackson's wife, but nothing about her mother owning a brothel.)
Martin Van Buren: Was known as the “Little Magician” because he managed to just make things happen. (Again, try Google if you run out of ideas.)
William Henry Harrison: Died four weeks into office because he gave a four-hour long speech in a blistering snowstorm and subsequently caught pneumonia. (Cold weather does not cause pneumonia, despite popular belief.)
John Tyler: Was first President to marry whilst in office. (Whilst again? What's wrong with "while"?)
James K. Polk: Served only one term as a result of severe diarrhea. (No, he suffered from severe diarrhea, but vowed to only serve one term for other reasons.)
Zachary Taylor: When in battle, wore a straw hat. (Surprise! This one is mostly true! He wore a straw hat with his uniform while reviewing the troops, but did not wear it into battle...as president, he didn't ride into battle.)
Millard Filmore: Had the coolest first name EVER. (Ok, I'll give you this one.)
Franklin Pierce: Was an alcoholic who was the first President born in the 1800s. (Umm...nope, Millard Fillmore was born in January, 1800.)
James Buchanan: Lived with a man for most of his life. (Nope...he lived with his spinster sister.)
Abraham Lincoln: Wife was later addicted to opium as a result of his assassination. (No again. Mary Todd Lincoln had an addiction to spending money, and was deeply into seances and spiritualism after Lincoln's death. She was eventually commited to an asylum.)
Andrew Johnson: Showed up drunk to Lincoln’s second inauguration, and though it was one of the few times he ingested substances, the incident earned him the reputation as a drunk. ("Ingested substances?" Do you mean "drank alcohol?" Yes, he was drunk during his inauguration as vice-president...a doctor prescribed too much whiskey as "medicine.")
Ulysses S. Grant: Had a reputation for great personal integrity, though his entire administration was extorting money behind his back. (Behind his back? Actually, he is infamous for being the head of one of the most criminal administrations ever known in the US.)
Rutherford B. Hayes: Actually lost the popular vote, but won the Presidency anyway. (Welcome to Bush/Gore)
James Garfield: Was assassinated by a crazy man who was denied a government job in his first few weeks of office. (Guiteau was denied an ambassadorship, and was incensed...and also believed God told him to kill Garfield. But Guiteau did not kill Garfield. He shot Garfield, but the bullet did not kill the president. The president died from physicians digging around in the wound with their unwashed hands, and eventually the physicians tore open the president's liver, and gave him a severe infection, which led to blood poisoning and a heart attack. If they'd left him alone, he probably would have survived the bullet wound.)
Chester Arthur: Had the most impressive facial hair of any President ever. (Guess I can give you this one, though it isn't exactly a "fact.")
Grover Cleveland: Was the most boring man on earth. (Hmmm...still stretching the concept of "fact" here.)
Benjamin Harrison: William Henry Harrison’s grandson. The way his term went, it might have been better if he’d have caught pneumonia. (Cute, but not cute enough.)
William McKinley: Always wore a white vest. (No, but he did prefer a white vest with a red carnation...though he did not "always wear" such a vest.)
Teddy Roosevelt: While serving in the army, always had his uniforms tailored by Brooks Brothers. (Again, watch that "always". Yes, he had his uniforms tailored by Brooks Bros., but not all of them.)
William Howard Taft: Has the distinction of being both the fattest President ever, and the only man ever to serve as both President and Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. (Hurray! FACTS, and CORRECT at that!)
Woodrow Wilson: A highly religious man, he worked as President of Princeton College to “take the sex out of Princeton” and focus its young male student minds on only knowledge. (All the great things Wilson did, and this doubtful bit of information is all you came up with?)
Warren G. Harding: Was the worst president ever. The level of his badness cannot be described by words. (Ok, now the cuteness isn't so cute. The "level of his badness?" Ick.)
Calvin Coolidge: Had an aversion to talking. (Now I'm beginning to despair of you...no facts, lost any shreds of humor, writing getting worse...)
Herbert Hoover: Often confused for J. Edgar Hoover. (Or maybe he was just confused WITH J. Edgar?)
Franklin D. Roosevelt: Had an affair. (And which President didn't?)
Harry S. Truman: Was born without a middle name, only an S. (Ha ha...we're ALL born without middle names! However, most of us are given middle names after we're born. Truman was only given the S.)
Dwight Eisenhower: After serving as President, re-entered the Armed Services. (True, but not interesting, not funny, not special, just boring.)
John F. Kennedy: One-upped FDR by having an affair…with Marylyn Monroe. (A rumor, not a fact.)
Lyndon B. Johnson: Often considered the most lewd, vulgar President ever. (By whom?)
Richard Nixon: Biggest regret: tape machine in Oval Office. (Perhaps...but perhaps his biggest regret is resigning? Or running for president in the first place? Or something else entirely? Not cute, not clever, not a fact.)
Gerald Ford: Liked to fall. (A little funnier, but again, not a fact. Did he fall? Yes. Did he LIKE it? I doubt it.)
Jimmy Carter: Lusted in his heart. (...huh?)
Ronald Reagan: Was the Gipper. (Sort of...but sort of not, since The Gipper was a movie character...)
George H. W. Bush: Vomited on the Prime Minister of Japan, hated broccoli. (Gross, but true.)
Bill Clinton: Played golf. (Really?)
George W. Bush: Gave C-Students everywhere hope. (I hope not...now I'm terrified!)
George Washington: Had wooden teeth (No, he did NOT have wooden teeth...though he did have several sets of false teeth.)
John Adams: Suffered from bipolar disorder (No, he suffered from depression, NOT bipolar disorder.)
Thomas Jefferson: Fathered several children out of wedlock with a slave.
(He was rumored, but not PROVEN to have fathered several children out of wedlock with a slave.)
James Madison: James Madison: Was short, talked like a girl, and had a wife inexorably more famous than he was. (Madison's wife was not "inexorably" more famous. Whether she was more famous or not is simply your opinion...but regardless, she would not be "inexorably" more famous. Look it up.)
James Monroe: Didn’t actually come up with Monroe Doctrine. (I guess this is technically true. Try www.google.com when you run out of ideas...)
John Quincy Adams: Swam in the Potomac River whilst naked. (Whilst? How about "swam naked in the Potomac River?")
Andrew Jackson: His wife’s mother ran a brothel. (Your source for this questionable bit of information? I found lots about Jackson's wife, but nothing about her mother owning a brothel.)
Martin Van Buren: Was known as the “Little Magician” because he managed to just make things happen. (Again, try Google if you run out of ideas.)
William Henry Harrison: Died four weeks into office because he gave a four-hour long speech in a blistering snowstorm and subsequently caught pneumonia. (Cold weather does not cause pneumonia, despite popular belief.)
John Tyler: Was first President to marry whilst in office. (Whilst again? What's wrong with "while"?)
James K. Polk: Served only one term as a result of severe diarrhea. (No, he suffered from severe diarrhea, but vowed to only serve one term for other reasons.)
Zachary Taylor: When in battle, wore a straw hat. (Surprise! This one is mostly true! He wore a straw hat with his uniform while reviewing the troops, but did not wear it into battle...as president, he didn't ride into battle.)
Millard Filmore: Had the coolest first name EVER. (Ok, I'll give you this one.)
Franklin Pierce: Was an alcoholic who was the first President born in the 1800s. (Umm...nope, Millard Fillmore was born in January, 1800.)
James Buchanan: Lived with a man for most of his life. (Nope...he lived with his spinster sister.)
Abraham Lincoln: Wife was later addicted to opium as a result of his assassination. (No again. Mary Todd Lincoln had an addiction to spending money, and was deeply into seances and spiritualism after Lincoln's death. She was eventually commited to an asylum.)
Andrew Johnson: Showed up drunk to Lincoln’s second inauguration, and though it was one of the few times he ingested substances, the incident earned him the reputation as a drunk. ("Ingested substances?" Do you mean "drank alcohol?" Yes, he was drunk during his inauguration as vice-president...a doctor prescribed too much whiskey as "medicine.")
Ulysses S. Grant: Had a reputation for great personal integrity, though his entire administration was extorting money behind his back. (Behind his back? Actually, he is infamous for being the head of one of the most criminal administrations ever known in the US.)
Rutherford B. Hayes: Actually lost the popular vote, but won the Presidency anyway. (Welcome to Bush/Gore)
James Garfield: Was assassinated by a crazy man who was denied a government job in his first few weeks of office. (Guiteau was denied an ambassadorship, and was incensed...and also believed God told him to kill Garfield. But Guiteau did not kill Garfield. He shot Garfield, but the bullet did not kill the president. The president died from physicians digging around in the wound with their unwashed hands, and eventually the physicians tore open the president's liver, and gave him a severe infection, which led to blood poisoning and a heart attack. If they'd left him alone, he probably would have survived the bullet wound.)
Chester Arthur: Had the most impressive facial hair of any President ever. (Guess I can give you this one, though it isn't exactly a "fact.")
Grover Cleveland: Was the most boring man on earth. (Hmmm...still stretching the concept of "fact" here.)
Benjamin Harrison: William Henry Harrison’s grandson. The way his term went, it might have been better if he’d have caught pneumonia. (Cute, but not cute enough.)
William McKinley: Always wore a white vest. (No, but he did prefer a white vest with a red carnation...though he did not "always wear" such a vest.)
Teddy Roosevelt: While serving in the army, always had his uniforms tailored by Brooks Brothers. (Again, watch that "always". Yes, he had his uniforms tailored by Brooks Bros., but not all of them.)
William Howard Taft: Has the distinction of being both the fattest President ever, and the only man ever to serve as both President and Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. (Hurray! FACTS, and CORRECT at that!)
Woodrow Wilson: A highly religious man, he worked as President of Princeton College to “take the sex out of Princeton” and focus its young male student minds on only knowledge. (All the great things Wilson did, and this doubtful bit of information is all you came up with?)
Warren G. Harding: Was the worst president ever. The level of his badness cannot be described by words. (Ok, now the cuteness isn't so cute. The "level of his badness?" Ick.)
Calvin Coolidge: Had an aversion to talking. (Now I'm beginning to despair of you...no facts, lost any shreds of humor, writing getting worse...)
Herbert Hoover: Often confused for J. Edgar Hoover. (Or maybe he was just confused WITH J. Edgar?)
Franklin D. Roosevelt: Had an affair. (And which President didn't?)
Harry S. Truman: Was born without a middle name, only an S. (Ha ha...we're ALL born without middle names! However, most of us are given middle names after we're born. Truman was only given the S.)
Dwight Eisenhower: After serving as President, re-entered the Armed Services. (True, but not interesting, not funny, not special, just boring.)
John F. Kennedy: One-upped FDR by having an affair…with Marylyn Monroe. (A rumor, not a fact.)
Lyndon B. Johnson: Often considered the most lewd, vulgar President ever. (By whom?)
Richard Nixon: Biggest regret: tape machine in Oval Office. (Perhaps...but perhaps his biggest regret is resigning? Or running for president in the first place? Or something else entirely? Not cute, not clever, not a fact.)
Gerald Ford: Liked to fall. (A little funnier, but again, not a fact. Did he fall? Yes. Did he LIKE it? I doubt it.)
Jimmy Carter: Lusted in his heart. (...huh?)
Ronald Reagan: Was the Gipper. (Sort of...but sort of not, since The Gipper was a movie character...)
George H. W. Bush: Vomited on the Prime Minister of Japan, hated broccoli. (Gross, but true.)
Bill Clinton: Played golf. (Really?)
George W. Bush: Gave C-Students everywhere hope. (I hope not...now I'm terrified!)
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